I was asked by a journalist yesterday what one thing I would tell someone who was considering exploring polyamory. In the blur of the interview I’m not entirely sure what I said, so I thought about it a lot afterwards… and started a list. Here it is. 12 things I’d have liked to understand at […]
Category: Love Off Script
Falling In Love
“Oh, Fred, I’ve been so foolish. I’ve fallen in love. I’m an ordinary woman. I didn’t think such violent things could happen to ordinary people”. I can hear those words in my head, as uttered by Celia Johnson in the movie classic ‘Brief Encounter’ – a beautiful tale of forbidden love. And nobody can prepare […]
Step change
Building consent culture isn’t easy. It involves people and communication and boundaries – and there’s a lot to navigate, especially when you consider that the prevailing cultural paradigm is one of entitlement. Entitlement culture is part of us all – it’s the context in which we were socialised, and it’s how we’ve learned to navigate […]
It is what it is
“So they’re your main partner, then?” “Which is the most important relationship?” “If you really love them you put them first” These are words I frequently hear from my monogamous friends when we’re talking about my non-monogamous relationships. The script tells us that that humans should be part of a couple – one, romantic/sexual relationship/partnership. My friends can accept that […]
Asking for it
If you’re looking for love, or sex, or romance, or connection, how do you go about it? That initial connection can be elusive. We can’t all just stand around on steam train platforms like Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard in the film Brief Encounter, hoping that a little bit of coal smut will land in […]
3 little words
“I love you” – the 3 little words you’re supposed to long to hear, or wait to say… words that can change lives forever… words imbued with such importance and meaning that poets, musicians, academics, philosophers have been exploring and debating their meaning for centuries… so what would I know? I asked my friends, what […]
The choice
I’ve believed for a long time that the personal is political… with a small p (I’m not talking about party politics, nor even government here.) We all make choices about how to behave. We balance our freedom and our responsibility. Some of us have privileges that give us more choices than others, of course. And […]
The script
The one… Girl meets boy, dates happen, a relationship is formed, it gets serious and exclusive, and a commitment is made, promises, a house is shared, perhaps kids… they live happily ever after, til death do them part. That is the script. It’s everywhere – from the fairytales of childhood to the TV soap, almost […]